Colors and Promises

It's been a minute, but maybe if I start blogging again I'll start to feel myself again. My, oh my how I wish to feel myself. 

Still teaching. Still hating it... well, majority of the time. There are certain kids who absolutely brighten my day and I will miss them when either they leave or I leave. But this is life, no? THEN, there are some of those kids who I look at and literally have to pray for strength to not inform them that they are choosing to be worthless, embarrassing and sorry excuses for human beings. I care. I can say I don't care, but not matter what I say, I will always care. And maybe that's the problem? Hearts have colors and maybe mine has too many... 

I am exhausted of late trying to keep up with the "40 hour" teaching job (so many of you know that 40 hours is a joke), and 14 contact hours at school for my new career choice. I'm tired. I feel like I can't take care of myself and like I'm falling apart at the age of 25. 25... oh my word... 26 is right around the corner. What a scary thing to think of the future, to try to have control, but to realize you have none. This too shall pass, no?

On a brighter note... I love Jake. I love my parents. I loooove my siblings and I adore all of my nieces and nephews. They consistently bring the most beautiful kind of love and warmth into my life and if I could spend every moment just watching them, just talking to them and soaking in their innocence, I would. Until I have my own, they are my own. 

Also, a very special note goes out to three of the most special ladies in my life. Amber: just got of Skype with you and that beautiful Logan. You are a great mother, and God is putting us through hard times because he knows we will ask for the tools to make it through. Remember he is the problem solver. 

Ashley: You are far away only in distance, but not in thought. I think of you daily and I remember exactly what it felt like to feel confused, alone, frustrated and just straight up pissed off. Love on your boys, they need your support. Communicate with your big boy, he might not let on but he needs support too. That communication will come full circle and you will begin to feel at peace in this new adventure. Any questions, any tears, any stories - you know I'm here. 

Wifey: God is working in your life whether you recognize it or not. He's been waiting for you to pay him attention and he is so excited to see that you're coming around. It might be a slow process, and it will be a struggle... but if you can dedicate your heart to what you inexplicably know is right... you will be blessed beyond belief. You are beautifully and fearfully made - don't let your doubts, your plans or your inner demons tell you otherwise. 

Christmas is coming up - so let the CHRISTMAS TIME PLAYLIST start on a loop! It might be the only thing  to keep me pumped up pre "holiday break," excuse you - CHRISTMAS BREAK. 

I'm going to try to be much better at blogging from now on and definitely much better at photographic our lives together down in NC. This has now turned into verbal diarrhea and I keep staring at a magazine picture of a cherry pie that is obnoxiously distracting. Hmm... what to do?