Colors and Promises

It's been a minute, but maybe if I start blogging again I'll start to feel myself again. My, oh my how I wish to feel myself. 

Still teaching. Still hating it... well, majority of the time. There are certain kids who absolutely brighten my day and I will miss them when either they leave or I leave. But this is life, no? THEN, there are some of those kids who I look at and literally have to pray for strength to not inform them that they are choosing to be worthless, embarrassing and sorry excuses for human beings. I care. I can say I don't care, but not matter what I say, I will always care. And maybe that's the problem? Hearts have colors and maybe mine has too many... 

I am exhausted of late trying to keep up with the "40 hour" teaching job (so many of you know that 40 hours is a joke), and 14 contact hours at school for my new career choice. I'm tired. I feel like I can't take care of myself and like I'm falling apart at the age of 25. 25... oh my word... 26 is right around the corner. What a scary thing to think of the future, to try to have control, but to realize you have none. This too shall pass, no?

On a brighter note... I love Jake. I love my parents. I loooove my siblings and I adore all of my nieces and nephews. They consistently bring the most beautiful kind of love and warmth into my life and if I could spend every moment just watching them, just talking to them and soaking in their innocence, I would. Until I have my own, they are my own. 

Also, a very special note goes out to three of the most special ladies in my life. Amber: just got of Skype with you and that beautiful Logan. You are a great mother, and God is putting us through hard times because he knows we will ask for the tools to make it through. Remember he is the problem solver. 

Ashley: You are far away only in distance, but not in thought. I think of you daily and I remember exactly what it felt like to feel confused, alone, frustrated and just straight up pissed off. Love on your boys, they need your support. Communicate with your big boy, he might not let on but he needs support too. That communication will come full circle and you will begin to feel at peace in this new adventure. Any questions, any tears, any stories - you know I'm here. 

Wifey: God is working in your life whether you recognize it or not. He's been waiting for you to pay him attention and he is so excited to see that you're coming around. It might be a slow process, and it will be a struggle... but if you can dedicate your heart to what you inexplicably know is right... you will be blessed beyond belief. You are beautifully and fearfully made - don't let your doubts, your plans or your inner demons tell you otherwise. 

Christmas is coming up - so let the CHRISTMAS TIME PLAYLIST start on a loop! It might be the only thing  to keep me pumped up pre "holiday break," excuse you - CHRISTMAS BREAK. 

I'm going to try to be much better at blogging from now on and definitely much better at photographic our lives together down in NC. This has now turned into verbal diarrhea and I keep staring at a magazine picture of a cherry pie that is obnoxiously distracting. Hmm... what to do?

Just give a little whistle

What a busy month it has been for this little lady!

I finally got to cash in on my Valentine's gift from Jake when I flew to NM for a long weekend. The flight into El Paso was long and I was ever so anxious to get to those babies, but I met a nice guy that I spent the whole second flight talking to... so that helped the time pass. Courtney and I made the long trek from El Paso to Carlsbad and got to spill our guts the whole way - I loved catching up and sharing so much with her. When we got to the house, the kids were already asleep, but I did get to peek at them :)

Bright and early the next morning I heard my door knob turn - low and behold I see little Lily hugging her pooey and staring at me. I said "come and see me!" and she jumped on the bed and let me smother her with hugs and kisses. For the first time, I didn't have to start at square one with her. Then Colton came running in; he was a bit more distant but still let me love on him a little bit. We had a yummy breakfast and did puzzles while watching Buzz and Woody, just relaxing with my babies was so much fun. I had lots of help the whole weekend with my hair and makeup -- Lily was very in to helping and exploring all the big girl things I brought in my suit case. We went out for a fun lunch at Sonic, hit the grocery store and then came home and played outside until dinner. I kept blowing bubbles and there was just enough wind to carry them all over the yard - the babies were fascinated and chased them as hard as they could. If they caught one, they'd jump up and down with such excitement... it was an epic activity.

That night Courtney made AMAZING homemade carne asada, salsa and pico. We feasted on the freshness and it makes me salivate just thinking about it. The babies went to bed and the grown ups had some wine and watched a movie.

The next day we got up and headed down the road to the Carlsbad Caverns. I, of course, came unprepared and had to chose between flip flops and super sucky flats to make a 2 hour track 800 feet below ground. Oh well, it could have been worse. We started walking down into the cavern and the temperature dropped dramatically within like 10 feet, and the smell from all the bat dookey was terrible. Courtney looked like she was going to throw up or pass out from holding her breath, but she got ahold of herself after a while.

Lily was the leader of the group more or less... she headed the front of the line with a flashlight alllll the way down. She was looking for the bears - the "brown ones" as she said, even though I told her the only bears in the caverns were of the purple, hotdog eating variety.



Luckily, we didn't run into them because they were all either "sleeping or hiding," said the Lilybug. At one point during the hike she farted and it was soooo funny because all she did was yell out, "whoops! excuse me :)" Colton was so clumsy that we couldn't really let him walk on his own - the whole track was down hill and he would have just hit the ground and rolled to the bottom. I felt bad because Courtney and Justin kept passing him back and forth - he's a rock!

We had a terrible and overpriced lunch at the cafe and then got the kids some miner hats, which they LOVED. I wanted to start singing HIIII-HOOOOO!



After hopping in the car, Lily and I began to snack on some left over Corn Nuts, and she just got herself and COlton tickled to DEATH over the "cruuuuuuuuuunchy" sound they made in your mouth. Courtney and I were almost in tears at their silliness. The tiniest things can make them laugh for hours. We got home and played outside a little bit more, then made cookies together. I think the kids ate more dough that actual cookies in the end, but it was so much fun to have them help out and look at everything with such curiosity.




THe following weekend my Mom and Dad came down from Michigan for a weekend visit. We had a fun time out Thursday night to dinner and around Goldsboro. Friday (still feeling stick from the strep and ear infection I had been blessed with earlier in the week) I decided to take the day off and take my parents in to Raleigh. We had lunch at the Cheesecake Factory and shopped around the mall for a bit; then we went over to Whole Foods where they treated Jake and I to all sorts of yummy, fresh and organic groceries. When we got home, Darren drove up from Clinton and we had a BBQ at our place. Yum yum - steaks, chicken, veggies, corn on the cob and angel food cake for dessert. Of course, let's not forget the case of glass-bottled Coke Jake picked up from Sam's. Such a treat!

The next day we all shoved into a car and drove out to Southport, a little town right on the coast. Our first stop was for lunch, at this little hole in the wall place called the Yacht Basin Provision Company. The atmosphere was amazing - we walked in to find a freakishly friendly staff in an overly crowded yet open kitchen, a menu with barely a dozen items on it, and a giant patio with tables right on top of the old rickety pier. Mom, Dad and Darren all order the special crab cake and grilled shrimp platter, while Jake and I got the crab cake sandwiches. SWEET JESUS THEY WERE THE BEST THINGS I HAD HAD IN MY LIFE - my thighs are quivering just thinking about it two weeks later. Just imagine: a fresh, lump crab cake, toped with house-made tarter sauce and an obnoxiously yet perfectly toasted bun; fresh lettuce, tomato and onion and french fries. THANK YOU GOD!

We sat so content, listening to the steel drum music playing over the speakers, enjoying to cool ocean breeze that brought the smell of salt and summer freedom right to our table. Needless to say, we'll definitely be going back sometime this summer to binge again. What a gem of a spot!

We then took the ferry out to the NC Aquarium, which I wasn't crazy pumped for to start with, but it turned out to be something I really enjoyed. They had some great displays/exhibits and it was nice to just walk around at our leisure and be silly with one another.







We took the ferry back to the port and then set out to find a bistro on the marina that had been recommended to us by the folks at the Provision Co. Again, we had a fantastic culinary experience with fresh foccacia bread and oil/herbs to dip in... JUMBO JUMBO shrimp and yummy house-made ravioli...



and of course, CRAZY desserts like cannoli and coconut and pineapple cake. No one fought or bickered, every one was laughing and it was just such a gift to have my family there with me. The only bad thing: we missed Courtney Lauren. It just didn't feel 100% complete without her.

After the long drive home, we all went to bed because we were dead tired. Mom and Dad left early the morning and we spent the day recovering from and exciting weekend. This week we only have 4 days, and then come Thursday evening we're off to Miami for our honeymoon cruise :) Here's me sending up a prayer that it goes by fast... Lord knows we need a break.

Tonight we're going out to an early bday dinner with friends for Jake's 26th - tomorrow we'll be going to a Durham Bulls baseball game which we're really excited for! Pictures to come <3

A Chubby Girl's Ode to Brussel's Pita Street

Pita Street, Oh Pita Street... a beacon of hope.
Weary from traveling, you rescued me mid-mope.
I set down my bag, and squeezed in the booth,
Immediately I felt at ease and so couth.

Your menus were simple, with prices so cheap,
Your kabobs are so sexy- stuffed so deep!
Yes that sounded dirty, but you must know the truth
Pita street = boner, and that is for sooth!


Add a good friend, and a raspberry beer...
With pitas in hand, we were so full of cheer!
Night after night, we came back for more
They knew us by name... yes, the Pita whores.

Cucumber sauce, corn and savory lamb,
I'm dreaming of Pitas- I am, I am!
One day I'll return and bring my hubby,
We will eat pitas and come back so chubby.


So the next time you ask me just what I'll eat,
I'll just close my eyes and think of Pita Street.
I wish so badly that I could apparate,
But this hungry girl needs to get something straight...


Kabobs and Pitas will always be there,
But for now, at my pictures I will have to stare.
When the time is right, I shall return
Until that day, my tummy will yearn!

Oh yea, this is powerful stuff

I am the definition of laziness, because I cannot find the time or inspiration to be consistent with blogging. We haven't been doing anything too exciting, but life is just beautiful of late. In addition to a slew of random and unorganized photos, here's a renewed promise - I'll be making a much more earnest effort to keep you all up to date on our lives. I know you're just itching to know every detail.

After the wedding, Jake and I went into Raleigh and made Build-a-Bears for Lily and Colton to say thank you for being such wonderful helpers at the wedding; it was a spontaneous date filled with fluff, fun and factory. Cheesecake Factory that is :)

Even though this is WAY out of date, I just wanted to show everyone how AMAZING my brother is. He came over for THanksgiving and stayed the weekend. We made a wonderful meal together: portobello- stuffed pork tenderloin, cornbread stuffing, garlic mashed potatoes, asparagus, baked mac and cheese, homemade citrus and cranberry relish and pumpkin roll/chocolate eclair for dessert. We could barely move afterwards but it was such a treat to be together.

We got a super crazy waffle maker for the wedding - this was the first batch :)

Jake and I went to Kinston with Mary, Derek and Allison to try out a new brewery called Mother Earth. It was a little strange because it was set up like a lounge; you could only purchase beer in house, but you could bring in anything from outside. We ordered a pizza, bought some pop and played euchre all night. It was good to get out with friends and just have a good time. Of course, I didn't drink any beer but Jake really liked it and bought a cup to remember the occasion :)

While we were home for Thanksgiving break, Jake and I went to Frankenmuth with my parents. Jake and I anihilated some Cracker Barrel breakfast and rocked out Bronner's -- my mom bought us an ornament for a our first married Christmas, Jake surprised me with some inside joke ornaments and I bought a big snowman sign that says The Howland Family. We had a great dinner at Zehnders and laughed so hard at my parents that we cried on two different occasions. I guess hickies are not proper dinner conversation... who would have thought? We walked around town and took some pictures, checked the lights out and drove over the covered bridge. On the way home we had to stop in EL to get gas, and it made me so sad! It always slips my mind how much I came to think of EL as my home... if it hadn't been 10:00 at night, I would have gone knocking on old friends' doors and perusing about on campus.

During Christmas break we had a great time. Jake finally got to spend some good time with Brayden, he had been missing him so much! We went sledding, watched movies, played with Stinky the Garbage Truck... and laughed. So cute :) It was good to be home with family, even with all the rounds we tried to make to see everyone. Hard to believe it will be June or July until we're back.

When we got back from break, I moved into the Media Center at work. I'm still interpreting, but it's a much welcomed change of pace being in the library. The days go by faster, I don't feel as confined and I get to spend more time socializing with the kids and my favorite work buddies. I busted my balls for the past two months to get the yearbook done - yes, one person doing a 56 page yearbook featuring nearly 1000 people - it was such a headache and there were a couple of occasions where I really thought I was going to lose it. No one wanted to cooperate or help, I was stretched thin with the 50 different hats I wear and the deadline just kept coming. I sent the final proof in yesterday, so the books should be here within a month. Everyone who saw the book gave it raving reviews and really showered me with compliments... I have to say it felt good because I EARNED THE PRAISE.

Jake is doing well in his classroom. He's almost through with his first year of teaching and I know he's learning a lot. The kids challenge him every day - whether it's discipline, not doing their work, etc. Even though it seems at times that he is at a disadvantage being somewhat inner-city, he really is changing the lives of some of these kids. I will never understand where his patience and compassion come from.

March is underway and it should prove to be a good month: NM visit, parent's coming down, final stages of the honeymoon countdown too! Jake and I bought the INSANITY workout DVD set... and it legitimately is insane. We want to tone up and feel our best when we hop on the big boat, so we figured diving head first would be the best plan with working out. The first night we did the work out, we were panting within 45 seconds... sweating within 3 minutes... and absolutely DRIPPING within 10 minutes. It's just non-stop movement, high HIGH intensity cardio and toning. We're pushing it, hopefully in a few weeks I'll have some good results to share.

Nothing much else is going on. We're starting the house hunt this weekend (have to get away from this townhouse) and will probably be joining a church within the next month. For the most part, taking it slow and soaking in all the experiences are our main priorities. We're waiting to see what doors will be opened next, and just trying to appreciate each other every day. We miss our family and friends so much that it's obscene, and we can't wait to spend the summer with you all.

Alright. Stop nodding off while reading this. I'll holla back soon <3>

So this is love?

Well, two months later and I have finally come to the point where I can reallllly talk about the wedding.

We got home and just crashed at my parents for some much needed sleep. I woke up early Wednesday morning and headed to the court house to apply for our marriage license. I was so happy to get it done, but when I left the courthouse my check book mysteriously disappeared… I still have no idea where it is.

When I pulled into the drive way, our beautiful get away car had just arrived. I am still waiting to get photos back but I know they will be amazing.

We spent the evening starting to decorate the church, and headed back early Thursday morning. Luckily our families were there to help, and a few bridal party members… they saved my butt. Literally could not have pulled it off without their hard work and creativity. I know everyone was tired and ready for the day to arrive, but they kept pushing!

Friday Jake and I picked up our license then parted ways. Courtney and I took Lily all over town – we had lunch, did a little shopping and we got our nails done. It was so nice to spend some time with both of them… and I loved seeing Lily at the nail salon.

She got her fingers and toes painted and she was adorable… we sang The Wheels on the Bus as we waited for our nails to dry and just had a wonderful time. She’s adorable.

When we were done, we hurried home and my long lost wifey met me at the house. I was so excited to see her that I could barely stand it. We got dressed and headed over to the rehearsal at the church. Everyone was there, everything was set up and we were ready to get it done. I was just happy to be accomplishing something, but a few of the bridesmaids really got choked up from the beginning. I thought to myself two things : “this is only the rehearsal, what’s going to happen when you all lose it tomorrow?!” and “I am so loved.” Dinner at the Beach Bar was yummy, we finished pretty fast and then everyone parted ways.


My sister arranged for me to stay at a cabin with some of my bridesmaids, and when I got to the house they had planned a lingerie party for me. We laughed and ate and drank and I had such a good time. I wanted to press pause because I knew the weekend was going too fast, I miss all of my friends so much and just cherished the time I had with them right then and there.

Not to mention the fact that they were showering me with some pretty fly gifts! We got to bed at a decent hour and Jake snuck a late night phone call in to me… I told him I’d be the one wearing the gorgeous dress tomorrow and that I would meet him at the altar. LOVE!

The morning of the wedding flew by. WE went to Tecumseh and got our hurr did, at some breakfast and tried to relax. I loved how my hair turned out wish it could be that sexy/fierce/glam every day.


At the church Jake and I exchanged gifts – and it’s well documented that we are huge cry babies, as each of us turned into a bucket of blubber opening our gifts.

I started getting nervous… we were taking photos and trying to be organized, but I got to a point where I didn’t want to speak to anyone. I just wanted to be by myself, still – with some time to think about what was actually going on around me. It still doesn’t seem like it actually happened.

The ceremony was 10000% more than what I thought it would be – I was so pleased with the music, the vows, and with the overwhelming sense of love I had for Jake and my family. Afterwards, we tried to hustle and get formal photos done… so rushed. Then we hopped out into the get away car to ride over to Somerset – and it wouldn’t start! I was so confused with what was going on that when they started pushing the car down the hill all I could do was laugh. What a memory.

Our photos at the orchard and the park were so much fun, filled with character and sass and the colors were so vivid.



We got back to the church as soon as we could, but of course we were over an hour late. I felt bad for making people wait, but at the same time I thought to myself “I’m never going to be in this dress, in this moment again… so let me have my pictures!”

We tried to eat and then get out to socialize as much as possible but we were far too ambitious. It was so frantic and I felt that no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get to everyone. Without alcohol, people started leaving at an early hour – and for a while I was really disappointed because I thought that meant no dancing. After calming down, I got out on the dance floor and cut a mean rug with THE WORLDS BEST BRIDESMAIDS and the crew… a little bit of Mr. Jones, Shout and Journey was enough to suffice for this bride :)

Lily hurt herself and Colton was coming down with something, so my sister and mom had to leave early. This set everyone into confusion with clean up and organization but everyone pulled through to the max. I could not believe how willing people were to stay and rip things apart – so fast and so unselfishly. It meant so much to us. We finally got out of the church and to the hotel, had a few drinks and laughs with our friends and then celebrated the day together. We cuddled up in the wee hours of the morning, heated up our picnic basket of food from the reception and opened some cards… then fell asleep as husband and wife, which felt different but very natural and so certain.

The next morning Courtney and the babies came over, along with my Mom and Dad and Toby and we opened all the gifts.

It took all of our effort together to load the car back up on account of all the loot – but we drove back to Onsted and just basked in the glory of the wedding experience. I love my brother and sister, they were each so thoughtful with their gifts... not to mention we have so many beautiful things to frame and put up in our house that we shouldn't have to worry about decorating for a while :)

We spent the rest of our time at home trying to get everything together and organized. We said goodbye to the babies, to our parents and families, and what friends we could... then hit the road headed south. The trip back to NC went incredibly fast and we made good time.

There are some minor disappointments in regards to the reception, but over all I am so pleased with how the day turned out… and sooooo thankful that I never have to plan something like that again! My agenda is filled with living life as Mrs. Howland, and that’s that.

You must not know bout me

So it's been about two months since Jake and I made the big move to Goldsboro. As you might have been able to tell in the past post, it's not 100% butterflies and happy faces... but we're making it just fine. Together :)

Being as busy as it is, we haven't had the opportunity to explore NC that much, but we've done a few fun things.


Labor day weekend we went to Carolina Beach with our NC-bffs Mary and Derek for a lazy day at the beach... surprise, surprise -- Derek proposed! Since we met the two love birds, we've all been teasing Derek about when we was going to pop the question. Then out of no where he decides that he was going to DO IT.

He planned out a beautiful beach proposal. Jake helped put the the messages in bottles across the beach while I distracted Mary. After everyone was in place, she and I started walking down the shore... I didn't know how in the world I was supposed to get her to see the bottles - so I just blurted out "MARY, WHAT'S THAT?!" She knew what was coming next... a few clues later Derek was waiting for her by the water, got down on one knee and put a ring on it! It was very romantic and Jake and I felt so special to be a part of their day... they really have proven to be our biggest support down here. God took everything into consideration when steering us to the south :)

After we changed, we went out for a tasty dinner at Carrabas. NOM! The next day we all headed the opposite direction to go shopping in Raleigh. Mary and I took care of some wedding business while the boys wondered off by themselves and decided it would be a good idea to buy $25 worth of Lindt Truffles. I can't say it was the best idea, but I HAVE to credit them for the purchase. Now I know where to point the finger when my wedding dress doesn't fit. Or maybe I should blame the Cheesecake Factory... where we went for lunch that afternoon. WHOOPS :)

Jake stays busy during the week, but he likes to surprise me on the weekends. He drove me all the way to Raleigh again last weekend at 10:00 so I could see Eat, Pray, Love before it went out of theaters. Then last night he took me to the Wayne County Fair... it has been several years for both of us since going to a fair, so we were really excited. As soon as we got out of the car the smell of fair food pelted us in the face... and we decided the first thing we should do once we actually got into the fair was to find an ATM... to buy food. And more food. And then some more... to take home. We split a corn dog and a BBQ sandwich with coleslaw... then the SEXIEST grilled corn on the cob you could imagine.

Yes, we were crazy and put garlic and parmesan cheese on it... all over it... it was dirty and messy and greasy and amazing.

Then we went to go see about rides, and decided that it would be a better use of our money if we bought more food instead of riding rides. We were just being practical, you see.

Jake got hooked on the quarter machine. He made a friend with one of the carnies who ended up showing him the trick... at one point we were up like $9, but then we blew it. Those machines will get you every time! Today when I asked Jake what he wanted to do he said "well, we could go back to the fair, eat some corn and play the quarter machine...?" LORD.

We munched on an elephant ear, another corn on the cob, a glass of lemonade and THEN bought a huge bag of kettle korn to take home. Had to make up for lost time, right? I had such a good time :)

It's 2:55 right now. By this time in exactly 14 days, I should be signing a paper to change my name. You can start calling me Mrs. Howland, if you feel you need to practice. I'll be ready!

I don't drink soda, I drink POP...

Perks of life in the South:

1. Sweet tea

2. Barbecue

3. Mary and Derek ;)

4. Being able to wear winter clothes year round (chronic AC...such a waste of the budget)

5. LOTS of churches to choose from

6. a paycheck

7. The beach? Well... I really don't care, but for some it's nice

Flipside:

1. Southerners

2. Southern accents

3. lack of the mythical southern hospitality

4. Being away from our families

5. People who think they don't need to do their jobs or seem to not know anything of value

6. I'm missing fall :(

7. Bugs

8. The heat/humidity - my body suddenly feels 50 years older :(

9. The mail takes like 3 days longer to get here

10. Sales tax

11. There's no Meijer

12. ... This isn't Michigan.

18 days until the wedding... can't believe it. I still can't seem to make sense of how I got to this point, but it's ok. I feel faithful and loved and so excited for the change (isn't menopause called "the change?"). Hoping that the rest of this adulthood stuff falls into place once the wedding is wrapped up.

Note to self: They say you're only supposed to get married once in life because planning more than one wedding would probably kill you in about 3 days.

More news/pics soon <3